An unresolveable situation

I write to you, my non-existent following, to explain what's up- Why I've been absent.

There's an unresolveable contradiction between me and my surroundings. The big national hoo-hah these days is the conflict over health care reform, and this debate threatens to divide this already divided nation further.

I have no false premises about the democratic party- I know they are only out to preserve the American capitalist system, but on this critical issue, I fall on the same side as many of them- those struggling for a universal health care system.

However, the big problem is that the people I love- my family, relatives, and some of my friends, are all on the wrong side. My folks are involved in this 'tea party' business- this nationwide mobilization of all the reactionary forces in society, and it kills me to see them come out on the side of reaction.

It weighs on me like a bag of bricks around my neck. It's difficult for me to put my heart into any creative endeavour knowing that the more I express my views, the more the people I love will hate me.

It especially drives me mad, because I can tell that they are suffering from this fucked-up system as much as I am- One person in my family broke his back for years, getting up early, shining shoes, and working his way up to a management position, only to be discarded like a piece of garbage once the economic crisis reached the critical stage and the overlords decided he was extra baggage. He's found a new job since, and I'm glad for him, but it counfounds me that even through all of this, his libertarian-republican views do not seem to have shifted at all- From what I can tell, in his mind, it's still the predominantly black 'welfare bums' and mexican immigrants nipping at the heels of the 'productive, go-getter' white middle-class. Of course, he's not racist, but he still doesn't realize how this white, middle-class neoliberal ideology perpetuates the system of racism.

Another managed to keep her job, yet with the strain on the economy, the workload on her appears to have increased. She's very touchy and emotional these days, and I want to console her, but there appears to be little I can do. She is also completely unwilling to accept my political beliefs- She thinks I am part of the problem. I want to say, "I'm part of the solution. You may not realize this, but I'm fighting because I think you deserve better- I'm fighting for your right to live a dignified life and reach your potential as a human being." but she's convinced that I'm on the side of the 'freeloaders' trying to take away what little we already have.

And as far as foreign politics go- I don't think they truly realize what role their beloved 'America' is actually playing in the world. Things like 'family', 'culture', 'church', 'heritage'- all these collective things that people immerse themselves in- that they identify with- They don't realize that while in this 'free society' they are free to be involved in all these things, by the nature of the imperialist system, America is compelled to take these things away from the rest of the world.

Underneath all the humanitarian pretensions, what America is actually doing to the 'global south' is treading all over these 'sacred objects'. Families are destroyed through military conflict and the economic strangulation of nations and peoples that resist American global domination. Native cultures are tread upon and utterly destroyed- For example, in South Korea, the Confucian/Daoist cultural heritage- the Korean identity has been completely swept aside- It is now completely Americanized, dominated by westernized Protestants, basically functioning as another appendage of the American economy. South Koreans now dress exactly the same as Americans, eat the same crappy mass-produced food, watch the same TV programming; Basically, we are sapping away everything interesting and unique about the rest of the world, and replacing it with a soulless, cookie-cutter consumer culture, that does nothing but make people miserable and isolated from their fellow humans.

I don't know what to do. It would be great if people would wake up and realize what is the true cause of their problems, but that seems unlikely. Honestly, I kind of wish someone could just declare me 'mentally insane, suffering from delusions', and then perform some sort of surgery on me that carves out the part of my brain that allows me to feel empathy for other people. Then, I could go back to sleep, not offend anybody, work hard, get married, run the whole pointless rat race and die like everyone else, but at least my family would love me.

Comments on the first half of 2009 - part deux

In the last post, I discussed pressing issues on a world scale. Perhaps I'll go back to that in my next entry, but I feel I need to vent about some issues in my personal life that have been quite pressing, lately.

First of all, work. The job that I have currently disgusts me- We all know capitalism is exploitative, but I have never experienced such a rotten example of said exploitation.

I'm washing dishes at a Lebanese restaurant, also, sweeping, mopping, doing odd jobs, being called into the boss' office to spell-check his facebook posts. Honestly, the work isn't too bad- I can handle practically everything they throw at me. The problem lies squarely with the manager and owner- this guy is a total scumbag. Let me paint you a picture.

This guy is from Lebanon- a Lebanese christian, to be specific. When I first started the job, I was excited- Not only do I love Lebanese food, I enjoy the culture of the Muslim world; Anasheeds, Dabkeh, and the general tendency of people from this part of the world to be critical of U.S. foreign policy. Needless to say, I was quite disappointed. My boss is the typical petit-bourgeois expatriate; Of course, he still plays some Dabkeh in his restaraunt, but that's about the extent of it.

The Lebanese elections ocurred recently, and my boss was an avid supporter of the March 14 alliance- basically, the pro-west coalition, who I assume will try to 'reason' with the U.S. and Israel- the countries that periodically randomly slaughter civilians and drop bombs on the southern half of the country in their 'terrorist-hunting' escapades.

Of course, I can't mention I'm a communist, which on a side note, really says a lot about how hypocritical people are when they say we have 'freedom of speech' in this country. Sure, you can have whatever views you want, but if you're not supportive or at least ambivalent towards the American way of life, you have to keep your mouth shut if you want food on your table.

Anyways, the furthest I could go at work was suggesting that I liked March 8 coalition. My boss' eyebrows raise- "But they're terrorists, man!". If I hadn't been mopping, and if I didn't have to worry about getting fired, I would have facepalmed in disgust, but I had to settle for saying, "Well, that's what the U.S. government says, and I don't exactly trust them".

The man is a total hypocrite. I spend most of my work day in the back, working strenuously, but when I go to collect plates, I usually check to see what he's up to. Most of the time, he's doing one of three things:

1. Eating in the front of the restaraunt with friends of his.
2. Walking around scolding his employees.
3. Sitting on his fat ass in the office, posting on Facebook, occasionally calling us in to spell-check his posts, or making awkward phone calls to random girls he looks up- I believe I heard him on the phone saying, "You are my dream girl" or something ridiculous like that once.

As for a recent incident- We had an unusually busy day this Tuesday, and as per usual, I was working continuously from the beginning of my shift until close. Near the end of the day, it's my duty to mop the pretty much all of the restaraunt, save for the kitchen, where the cook has to mop. When it came to my turn to mop, the cook had only recently finished, and the water still looked usable, so in hopes of saving some time and sparing myself from more unnecessary scolding, I used the water already in the bucket.

Wrong move. I was halfway through it all when my boss blows up in my face, telling me he'll fire me if 'this shit ever happens again'. I am instructed to go to the back, put in new water, and do the whole thing over again. When I get back there, one of the garbage cans has tipped over because one of the wheels is missing and the boss is too much of a cheap-ass to get it replaced. Inevitably, I get blamed.

Well, I get back to mopping, and I finish up the front- Then something infuriating happens. My boss turns to me and says, "You are lazy".

WHAT.
WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?!

No, I didn't say that. I said, "Your're calling ME, lazy?!". Then he shushed me, so as not to disturb the two customers that were still eating. I couldn't believe it. This asshole, who spends hours posting on facebook at work, calls ME lazy. I'm still angry about it, but there's nothing I can do.

Anyways, he pulled me aside for a talk afterwards, and gave me yesterday off. He said, "You feel really guilty, don't you?" I wanted to spit in his fat face.

So, I think I've come to a realization about the way he and probably thousands of other petit-bourgeois run their businesses. Since they know workers are easily replaceable, and they know we'll do everything we're told for a paycheck, they can work us hard, treat us like shit, and the second we show the least bit of dissatisfaction with the way we are treated, they can can us and hire someone else. We're like juiceboxes- they suck all they can out of us, then crumple us up and throw us away.

I've got to work today, but I've got to find some other work soon. I can't deal with this sort of abuse. I know all businesses are more or less the same, but there have got to be some out there in which the bosses aren't such hypocritical assholes.

Everyone's got to start somewhere...

Well, where to start?

The suburbs, of course. Slowly covering the earth, eating up everything that makes the world interesting and leaving nothing but banality in its place. They are symbolic of the labour aristocracy- the bourgeois bribing the first-world proletarians with the modern equivalent of 'bread and circus'- that is, 'welfare and football'.

Now, I want to qualify these statement before you interpret them. I'm no primitivist- I'm not suggesting that we go back to living in thatched-roof cottages, and abandon all of the technology we've developed. Neither am I a Maoist-Third-Worldist. I don't 'hate everyone in Amerika'- I realize that even despite these concessions, these material comforts, capitalism still takes it's toll on the first-world working class, one way or another.

Certainly the calorie-expenditure is nowhere that of the third world; we aren't working nonstop harvesting raw materials for peanuts.
However, look at all the people taking antidepressants, the high rates of suicide and obesity- instead of working us to death, they kill us by feeding us cheap but unhealthy slop and indoctrinating us with this individualist ideology that, while rewarding for the few that make it, leads to nothing but unreachable expectations and inevitably, disappointment and self-destruction for the many who crack under the pressure.

This illusion of middle-class prosperity needs to be torn down if progress is ever going to be made in the first world. Perhaps this economic crisis will do so, but I'm not getting my hopes up.

Well, that's my two cents on that subject.

Aside from political ranting, I'm planning on covering several other subjects with this blog- my criticism and comments on various art and music, livejournal-esque whining about my alienation and social problems (sorry, I've got to let it out somewhere), and posting my own work, which I guarantee will be super kick-ass awesome.

However, I've got work in half an hour. These things will have to wait.