There's an unresolveable contradiction between me and my surroundings. The big national hoo-hah these days is the conflict over health care reform, and this debate threatens to divide this already divided nation further.
I have no false premises about the democratic party- I know they are only out to preserve the American capitalist system, but on this critical issue, I fall on the same side as many of them- those struggling for a universal health care system.
However, the big problem is that the people I love- my family, relatives, and some of my friends, are all on the wrong side. My folks are involved in this 'tea party' business- this nationwide mobilization of all the reactionary forces in society, and it kills me to see them come out on the side of reaction.
It weighs on me like a bag of bricks around my neck. It's difficult for me to put my heart into any creative endeavour knowing that the more I express my views, the more the people I love will hate me.
It especially drives me mad, because I can tell that they are suffering from this fucked-up system as much as I am- One person in my family broke his back for years, getting up early, shining shoes, and working his way up to a management position, only to be discarded like a piece of garbage once the economic crisis reached the critical stage and the overlords decided he was extra baggage. He's found a new job since, and I'm glad for him, but it counfounds me that even through all of this, his libertarian-republican views do not seem to have shifted at all- From what I can tell, in his mind, it's still the predominantly black 'welfare bums' and mexican immigrants nipping at the heels of the 'productive, go-getter' white middle-class. Of course, he's not racist, but he still doesn't realize how this white, middle-class neoliberal ideology perpetuates the system of racism.
Another managed to keep her job, yet with the strain on the economy, the workload on her appears to have increased. She's very touchy and emotional these days, and I want to console her, but there appears to be little I can do. She is also completely unwilling to accept my political beliefs- She thinks I am part of the problem. I want to say, "I'm part of the solution. You may not realize this, but I'm fighting because I think you deserve better- I'm fighting for your right to live a dignified life and reach your potential as a human being." but she's convinced that I'm on the side of the 'freeloaders' trying to take away what little we already have.
And as far as foreign politics go- I don't think they truly realize what role their beloved 'America' is actually playing in the world. Things like 'family', 'culture', 'church', 'heritage'- all these collective things that people immerse themselves in- that they identify with- They don't realize that while in this 'free society' they are free to be involved in all these things, by the nature of the imperialist system, America is compelled to take these things away from the rest of the world.
Underneath all the humanitarian pretensions, what America is actually doing to the 'global south' is treading all over these 'sacred objects'. Families are destroyed through military conflict and the economic strangulation of nations and peoples that resist American global domination. Native cultures are tread upon and utterly destroyed- For example, in South Korea, the Confucian/Daoist cultural heritage- the Korean identity has been completely swept aside- It is now completely Americanized, dominated by westernized Protestants, basically functioning as another appendage of the American economy. South Koreans now dress exactly the same as Americans, eat the same crappy mass-produced food, watch the same TV programming; Basically, we are sapping away everything interesting and unique about the rest of the world, and replacing it with a soulless, cookie-cutter consumer culture, that does nothing but make people miserable and isolated from their fellow humans.
I don't know what to do. It would be great if people would wake up and realize what is the true cause of their problems, but that seems unlikely. Honestly, I kind of wish someone could just declare me 'mentally insane, suffering from delusions', and then perform some sort of surgery on me that carves out the part of my brain that allows me to feel empathy for other people. Then, I could go back to sleep, not offend anybody, work hard, get married, run the whole pointless rat race and die like everyone else, but at least my family would love me.